86 i.c.e.

    to many it would probably seem that culinary school was one of the most random things i have ever done. to those who have known me since i was in highschool, it would make sense. the agoura high school culinary teacher would be so proud right about now.
     it was the best life choice i have ever made. it was so much more to me than learning how to cook, and grow be a chef in the food insdustry. i woke up. that spiritual side of myself that was just watching my life go by opened its eyes and went “hi, im here!’. that inherrent need to create things with my hands, and give others an experience that was so unique to every single sense of the body was one of the most insane things i could have ever gifted myself. it was the gift of finally being able to find my passion in a world where i was meant to share and create with others. it’s a gift i am so incredibly grateful to have found when i know others dont have that luxury. there are so many reasons that led me up to why i made the choice to go to culinary school that it’s almost not even important to get into them, but what i want to focus on is what the experience taught me, which was a lot*.
first off, culinary school was the main reason why i now take no shit, but of course i do it gracefully.... most of the time.

    this industry that i fell in love with is male dominated, and i refused to let male ego dominate my lack of ego, but prevalence of love of in what i do. i showed ‘em too. it was hard at first being in a class where the ones who wanted the top wanted it because they were the shit. it was anxiety inducing. there were days i questioned if my reasons for being there, which is literally as simple as joy, was worth it when ego could trample on joy in two seconds. then i stepped back, and went “no, fuck your ego” and showed the class what passion, joy, and the want to do well for oneself was. and i averaged out as the top of my class. did i make the top every time? no, i’m human, and life happens. knowing that i was just as good as the michelin shooting men was enough for me. i also gained the respect of the michelin men and we are now all besties. i am so incredibly proud of all of them and their own individual growth.
second, before i even got into the cooking portion of my classes, i was learning what it was to run a restaurant as a whole. that meant the people, the budget, the kitchen, the sales, the works. in that class, that’s where i found i loved writing about the culture of food and everything surrounding it. every place has a unique culture. the place could be incredibly trendy and eater verified, or it could be a little hole in the wall with the best food youve ever had, and i found i could sit and watch the culture of the spot for hours.

you can feel the tension, the love, the trauma bonding, and the collaboration of people who had no idea that the person they’re working with could be a lifelong friend. at least that last part is some of my own personal experience working in the industry. and that’s why i write. i don’t just write about the food, and i don’t plan to. i write about the experience. the person i was with, the food i had, who the server was, what the room felt like, because dining is so much more than what the food is in front of you. 
that’s also why i cook. i get to feed the person i’m with, and have an experience with them, or create something nearly out of body to share.
    lastly, i learned how to jump. i learned that taking a risk is worth it if it means i can do what i love everyday for the rest of my life, and lord knows listening to people’s problems with a psychology degree day in and day out was soooooo not my dream. was learning how to take that free fall easy? fuck no. if it were i would have been doing this since i graduated high school. i had to let go of all of my perfectionist tendencies and release everyones expectations of how they view me. my program was a year, and that’s still not gone, just easier to work with.